Running Crossroads

Just needed to type some of this stuff out, mainly for my own head.  I feel like I'm at a running crossroads in my life, and not sure how to proceed.  And I guess I'll probably discover the answer as I go along.

Background:  Been running for about 3 years now, and through that time, discovered that I really just love to run.  I've never really been passionate about any of the hobbies in my life, until now, so I guess it took 41 years to find it.  When I started running, it was actually kind of easy for me.  I found that I could do it, I enjoyed it, and the more I ran, the more I "wanted" to run (borrowed from George Sheehan).  Running fit me.  And yes, I've had a couple of injuries along the way because of my own bullheadness.  Sometimes we just have to make the mistakes ourselves to truly learn.

I started off with a half marathon, and then a marathon, and another, and another.  I've trained fairly hard, but am definitely an average runner.  First half was 1:59, three years ago, and have since gotten to 1:39 last September.  First marathon was 4:27, and have since gotten to 3:43 this past January. Got a 46:20 in a 10k this spring.  Yeah, average.  All of my race times are solidly middle of the pack for my age group, unless it was a very small race in which I got a couple of A/G placements.  But for me, it's almost to the point of diminishing returns, I'm not sure I can get better on my own.  And I'm OK with that, kind of.  Except I want to get better, but the last marathon cycle was pretty tough on me. Do I want to push myself even harder?  Should I?

After my last marathon, I decided to switch gears just a bit, and mainly because of the FOMO (fear of missing out) syndrome, I decided to join a bunch of folks and run a 24 hour event this fall in Cleveland, OH.  I also thought it would be a good way to try something different, and continue to build a really strong base this year, instead of focusing on speed. Changing it up.

And I've found that I really enjoy doing the long runs.  I've done four 50k runs over the last 2 months, and generally speaking, I've done OK.  In fact, those 50k runs have been real character builders and I've proven to myself that I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.  But, in training for this 24 hour event, I'm definitely losing my speed.  Yes, that's by design, because in ultras (esp with a 24 hour event), you have to slow down, you simply can't run them at marathon pace (or at least I can't and stay injury free). 

You see, as a kid, I was never an athlete.  I simply did not do sports.  I tried football as a freshman, but had appendicitis 2 weeks into training, so ended up being the stats and equipment guy that season.  I did track my freshman year, but was horrible only because I didn't want to work hard and wanted to goof off.  So through the rest of high school, I was simply the stats or equipment guy because it was easier.  And it still let me hang around with my buddies.  But today, at the prime age of 41, in my mind, I'm almost athlete-like.  I'm a runner.  And it feels great.

But now I'm having this internal struggle.  I don't want to sound like an elitist, because I'm not, but these long 50k runs have not been that hard. And I find that I'm rather enjoying them. But they are slow, only because they have to be.  But somehow, deep down, I want speed too, and I want to improve my PRs at the shorter distances of 10k, half, and the marathon.  But I can't have both.  Can't have cake and eat it too.  Or so I've been told.

And finally, my internal struggle leads me to my crossroads.  I've got runs booked through the rest of the year.  These runs are serving a purpose of helping me run in all 50 states (eventually). Note, I'm not really racing anything left on my schedule this year, just running them for the experience.   I'm mainly thinking about goals beyond this year.  What fork in the road will my running career take next year?  And that my friends, is the question. Speed or distance.  Yin and Yang.  Apples and Oranges. I've tried both (granted, I'm not as speedy as a lot of you), but I want both.  I want to go fast(er), but I also am really enjoying these longer runs.  Still not sure about the 24 hour run yet, that might be too long I think, we'll see.  Anyhow, how do I balance this out in my head, wanting to go fast(er), but really enjoying doing much, much longer distances.  And I feel like that I've really lost my speed that I built up last year.  As in, there's no way I could repeat those speeds at my current fitness level.  Can I ever get that back?

It's a battle, at least for me, which leads me to this unending novel, which is mainly just a chance for me to vent since I don't have anyone else to talk to about it. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.  And that my friends, is my running crossroads.